Just saw this on MSNBC (appx. 2:33pm) is it just me, or did MSNBC try to slip one by?

Maybe that's the state flag of Illinois behind Obama, but I doubt it. It looks strikingly...Arabic to me. Oh, I guess I should stop whining, at least they didn't put an American Flag behind John McAmeriCain.

Is a mild sense of outrage an appropriate reaction?

The story goes, that in 1952 Democratic Presidential hopeful Adlai E. Stevenson was approached by a journalist (or supporter) who said, "Governor! All thinking people are voting for you!" to which the Illinois Statesman replied, "That's not enough -- I need a majority."

And as you know, shortly after national healthcare and world peace became realities, President Stevenson's visage was carved alongside Messrs. Washinton, Jefferson, Lincoln and Roosevelt at Mt. Rushmore.

Oops.

But that was 56 years ago...The Dodgers were still in Brooklyn, Ronald Reagan was still a democrat, soda cost a nickel and a nickel only cost 3¢.

Sincerely,

Forgive me father for I have sinned. It has been four years since my last political mea culpa. I turned onto John Kerry because of the scenes of a young, privelaged, educated, sincere man challenging the forces of power, vengence and stagnation crisply invoking Ghengis Khan to indict the war machine (NOT the soldiers themselves) that was us, our government...our America...our people. There was a critical honesty, a saving gentle but firm integrity that would gamble its own future viability in a quest to awaken the consciousness of a sleeping nation with the pithy and stinging phrase, "How do you ask a man to be the last to die for a mistake?" Such a man would surely possess the strength and nobility to guide our party and our nation back to greatness and respect. What a putz I was. John Kerry in 2004 was a wuss, plain and simple. Any courage he'd had in the past had been surgically removed on the senate floor, slowly and methodically over the past 20 years. Not in an expedient search for power, but in a cautious, reluctant, descending pseudo-maturity reminiscent of the Warren Beatty character in "Bullworth". Man that hurt, but I woke up, and I felt better.

DISCLAIMER: THIS DIARY IS INTENDED to be grossly unfair, misleading, biased, degrading, offensive and potentially criminally libelous. You should not read this if you are even remotely sensitive.

                                    BOO!

Did that scare you? Turn around now. Please. Spare your delicate constitution the following SATIRICAL analysis...

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I have determined through fool (proof?) study exactly what type of personality every person on the planet has based on the politician they support. In the spirit of pissing you all off by calling you names the season of giving*, I offer the following analysis guaranteed to generalize (to the MAX!) but be absolutely on target in every conceivable detail. Plus, before you ask, NO, I am not interested in YOUR opinion, but how thoughtful of you. Cough.

^{*-I am not referring to THANKSGIVING, which is the season of thanks...that for some reason comes 11 months AFTER the season of giving...(well, it's the thought that counts...actually, it's the accountant that counts, it's the thinker that thinks...well, anyway...on with the show.)}

In an effort to understand the foremost political phenomenon of our age, I contacted the presidential campaigns and asked the only relevant question this election season:

                                What's the best reason to hate Hillary?

Following are the responses I recieved in order of my personal bias.

IP (and so do you) -- An influential force in presidential politics, D. N. Galbuery of Iowa's Chamber of Corn Kernel Syndicate has been following the campaigns around the state for the past year. At each opportunity he has put the candidates on the spot by asking the same pointed, direct question of each:

Senato-Governa-Congressman...Your Highness: Given that 66% of the American People© feel we're in a recession, 72% think we made a mistake invading Iraq, 79% think the country is on the wrong track and 84.326% think that all statistics are lies, simply made up on the spot: If you could be a tree -- any kind of tree -- what would you be?

Many Political Insiders© feel the following answers which the candidates gave could make or break their various campaigns:

YOU JUST CAN'T WIN ANY BIGGER THAN THIS.

Right now the house is a lock with probably 33 seat gain.

The senate is trending our way with MT in the bag, VA closer than a latex diaper and MO -- back, but with only dem counties left to tally -- and the freepers have abandoned it...

7, maybe 8 new governorships.

WE WIN. Go to RedState, resist the urge to gloat, but feed your weary ego on their sadness -- it's like mother's milk. Freepers are jumping out of windows people...it's fantastic.

Anyone who's ever read (or seen) A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy knows that pan-dimensional aliens created a machine called, "Deep Thought" in order to come up with the Ultimate Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything. After 7,500,000 years, the hypercomputer posits the answer: 42.

   "Forty-two!" yelled Loonquawl. "Is that all you've got to show for seven and a half million years' work?"
    "I checked it very thoroughly," said the computer, "and that quite definitely is the answer. I think the problem, to be quite honest with you, is that you've never actually known what the question is."

1. All polls are bullshit, GOTV!!!
2. This was a weekend poll, it oversampled republicans.
3. Zogby/Rasmussen/Survey USA/Gallup is a republican stooge, all their polls are skewed to favor the GOP.
4. Land lines only!! They are mission millions of young people!
5. We're screwed.

O.K., so with the exception of that last one, most of these posts (from 2004) turned out to be, in hindsight, well -- an obvious case of "living in denial"...and I don't mean owning a house boat on a river in Egypt.

But my experience drew the distinction between the two parties adherents for me, and it isn't pretty.

The democrats are headed for a wave. We'll take the house and come within a hair of the senate. Start measuring the endzone and dancing on the drapes! This election (barring any dramatic changes btw. now and Nov. 7) is NOT like the "politics is local" elections of 1996, 98, 00, 02 and 04. This is a "Wave" election like 1994, 1974, 1966 and 1958 -- years when the party opposite the president made tremendous gains. (* - in all four elections, the party controlling congress going into the election was the DEMOCRATS, 1994 was the only year the presidency was held by democrats)

SCENE: The White House, 1928. President Calvin Coolidge is talking into the horn of a victrola.

CC: You tell that bastard Mussollini I don't care HOW many olives he sends me...I will never let him get away with his planned conquest of Ethiopia!

(Enter secretary of war, Dwight F. Davis)

DD: Mr. President! Amelia Earhart on the fax machine...she's located Bigfoot in the California mountains!!

CC: Fire all missiles!!!

Below the fold*** an analysis of some of the juicier slimier tidbits.

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^{*-I have not read the book, but I get the gist of it from quotes and Buchanan's recent appearances on "Late Night with Lucifer" and the "O'Racist Factor".}

**- "Americans" is defined as descendants of Europeans.

***- you SHOULD NOT fold your computer unless it is a laptop.

Before you vote for NED LAMONT you need to ask yourself; is it right to eject Joe Lieberman simply for voting the wrong way on the most major issue confronting our country at the moment? Sure, he's endorsed a mad path of killing and foolhardy empire-making in the name of unachievable and delirious glory, but really, is that so bad? I mean, you wouldn't divorce your wife simply for sleeping with the entire sanitation department of Buffalo, NY -- surely your marriage is greater than ONE ISSUE? You wouldn't put your dog down merely for tearing out and devouring the still beating heart of ONE measly girl scout would you? You can't honestly say that you'd quit your job just because your boss forcibly sodomized your rectum with ONE tiny little flaming toilet plunger? Well, if you're so glib that you flinch and cower due to one issue, then I guess the Democratic Connecticut for Lieberman Party doesn't need wimps like you!!!!

Today, April 1st, 2043, Joseph P. Lieberman, former Senator from Connecticut, Vice President of the United States and Supreme Court Chief Justice was laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetary.

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I remember it like it was yesterday...February 2004, New Hampshire primary...Joe Lieberman clocked in at a bruising 3%, proclaimed "Joe-mentum" and went on to make history. (or ALTERNATE history for those of you satire-impaired)

A-PEE reports that transcripts of the Randy "Duke" Cunningham 'wire' tapes have been made available to the press by sources close to the investigation. It seems that the former congressman and current felon has implicated 212 of his fellow former GOP congressman, 128 staffers, 87 lobbyists, 25 administration officials, 2 coffee/bagel truck operators, a pet goat and some random insects in a far reaching scheme to hijack democracy, perpetrate fraud, abscond with the public trust and treasury and "score freaky booty wit 'da bitches and ho's".

A spokesman for former majority leader Tom Delay called the allegations: "frivolous, fraudulent and fraught with fantasy born of a desperate need to save one's own skin." The spokesman also claimed that democrats cause cancer.